.perfect.little.dream.

.i.did.not.believe.

2007-11-07T06:23:54Z

And so this is goodbye, you immature, heartless, spineless, cowardly, disrespectful fucker.

One of these days, it's going to set in what you've done. And maybe I'll still be here, but maybe I won't. Either way, you're gonna regret it. I know that much for sure.

And I can speak from experience. Regret is one of the worst feelings in the world. So I hope you're happy with the decisions you've made. I can tell you that no one else involved in this is. So good luck with that.

And fuck. I'm fine.
Always have been.
So fuck you.

When you grow up, give me a call.

.this.doesn.t.hurt.

2007-10-19T00:22:42Z

So everyone's getting engaged.

And I'm losing the person that means everything to me.

That seems fitting.

swantonbomb6 @ 2007-07-10T01:07:00

2007-07-10T06:10:25Z

I just wanted you to know I've lied about a lot of things to a lot of people lately. I've done a lot of stupid things. But I haven't lied to you.

I just feel like I've lost you already.

.people.fall.down.

2007-07-09T06:41:27Z

You know, I remember the day, four years ago. You told me that when I was leaving for the weekend you wanted to stay in bed and sleep until I got home...because then you wouldn't be awake to miss me.

I guess this feels something like that.

Only I can't sleep.

swantonbomb6 @ 2007-07-01T20:11:00

2007-07-02T01:35:06Z

They're starting to open up the sky. They're starting to reach down through.
And it feels like we're living in that split-second of a car crash.
And time   is     slowing      down.
    And if we only had a little more time.
And this time
is all there is.

Do you remember the time we    and all the times we
and should have                                                                           and were going to

I know.
And I know you remember how we could justify it all.

And we knew better. In our hearts we knew better.
And we told ourselves it didn't matter.
And we chose to continue.

And none of that matters anymore
in the hour of our twilight.

And soon it will be all said and done,
and we will all be back together as one.
If we will continue at all.

And you never get away. And you never get to take the easy way.
And all of this is a consequence brought on by our own hand.

(If you believe in that sort of thing)

And did you ever really find, when you closed your eyes,
any place that was still,
and at peace?

And I guess I just wanted to tell you, as the light starts to fade:
you are the reason that I am not afraid.
And I guess I just wanted to mention, as the heavens will fall:
we will be together soon if we will be anything at all.

.anything.at.all.

2007-06-11T05:59:55Z

I caught a glimpse when you two kissed. I just turned around because I didn't care.

Rachel, she turned to me then, and she said,
"You know Laur, it's ok to care."

No...I'm pretty sure it's not.

I don't care, really. I guess I just want this to be over.

I guess I don't understand why you won't talk to me. Or why you have to hide behind alcohol to tell me how you feel. Am I really that hard to approach?
Fuck.

</emo>

swantonbomb6 @ 2006-11-23T08:54:00

2006-11-23T08:54:29Z

It feels like forever ago.

What happened to that. What happened to us.

swantonbomb6 @ 2006-09-28T02:09:00

2006-09-28T07:11:07Z

swantonbomb6's LJ stalker is mustangactor!

mustangactor is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also stalking you in real life. Look out!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

Well. That's fitting I suppose. XD

And what's funny, is that for my other journal I got a different person, but they're stalking me because I'm awesome in bed too. Hey, when you're good, you're good.

[ps...I'm still alive. Just barely.]

.shes.not.crazy.

2006-07-22T07:21:27Z

Can someone please tell me why bathtubs make me think of death?

Thanks.
:headdesk:

.want.to.see.you.sweat.

2006-05-11T00:16:42Z

So it's an ACen recap you want, eh?

It was fun. When all was said and done, I had a good time.

Pulled my back out Thursday, which was just about the worst timing EVER, considering my bad back already, but what can ya do. It's still not better. I still want to cry every time I sit down or stand up or bend over or anything...which certianly limits my sex life, let me tell you. ;) But I'll live. The overall concensus was that the game room was awesome this year, and I believe that. We did a really good job, and of course things can improve, but we're on the right track. I actually saw more than just the game room and my room this year...which was nice. I spent an inordinate amount of money in the dealer's room...but oh well. I fucking deserved it. (:

Met a load of fun people this year. I think Lee may quite posisbly have been my favorite person of the weekend. Of course John was a blast [ he makes a better woman than I do ;) ], and everyone was just awesome. So many people helped out when they didn't need to...June and Tim and Donovan and Greg...they were all just amazing. It was nice to have Shawn and Chris and Charlie there on staff, and of course having Rachel makes everything better. Malcolm again took on a load of work, Jenny helped me calm down [and rock out to Scooter!!], Adam is an angel for running SSBM again, and Pernell and Rob did everything I asked of them. And Mark. Dear dear Mark, you singlehandedly kept me sane.

I nearly killed Ryan, and I did apologize for yelling at him [ the jerk! (: ] but no harm done. We got it together, and after a few airsoft shots to his back and a LOVELY door size Johnny Depp Pirates poster to me...all is well. ^__^

I love our staff, really I do. And I'm so happy I got into doing this con. Regardless of who ends up as DH next year, I know it will turn out even better than this year. The weekend flew by, and though I'm still recuperating it's weird to sit back and think, "Aww man...another year to wait." Guess that means I'm hooked.

.i.m.not.coming.back.

2006-04-24T08:29:28Z

As a notice, to everyone. It is nearly 3:30am and I am only halfway through a paper due tomorrow that my grade depends on. If I fail this paper, I fail the class.

I can't concentrate.
My mind is on everything it shouldn't be.
I'm not sure what else to do.

I don't mean to whine. This is my fault, right? I've been busy, but maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe I'm trying to deliberately ruin my school career.

Ever get the feeling you're sabotaging your life?

That must just be me.

.wanna.fight.it.

2006-04-14T05:40:38Z

Currently, my chest hurts so bad I think I might die.

Meanwhile, outside it's storming and I love it.

Tomorrow, I will be going to class, sleeping through it, and advancing my impromptu plan of failing a class this semester.

Immediately following, work will be awaiting, where I will be terrified of getting robbed, as a store ten minutes away in our district just did earlier tonight.

That concludes tonight's update.

.passed.me.by.

2006-04-10T01:27:58Z

Well hey there.

I've been mostly dead for a while.

Quick update though...

xx I'm sick. As usual.
xx I'm on my fourth of nine straight days working, with a new manager who's cool but changed a bunch of stuff and a store that just got redone and now looks RETARDED.
xx ACen is in less than a month. We have a lot of shit to do.
xx I have way too many commissions to work on, and I have no motivation and no time to do them.
xx I don't go to school much. I should. I think I'm failing a class. My bad?
xx I miss a lot of people. A lot of them. And it's too late for most of them I think.
xx I'm back to barely sleeping more than three hours a night. Not good.
xx I'm getting restless when it comes to starting to wrestle. It's really starting to piss me off that I haven't yet. And I'm about ready to pay an inordinate amount of money to just get started.
xx Anyone want to start a band? Inquire within. I miss it.

That's about....it.
Ryan is sexy. Hello kitty is dead. And I'm a dirty pirate hooker.

.for.the.ends.

2006-02-08T17:03:48Z

Sure. A late Super Bowl update. So shoot me because I avoid thinking about it.
Come to think of it, shoot me anyay.

I don't have much to say about the game. It sucked. Brutally. I really think, and this is the truth here, that if the fucking officials would have spent less time getting their cocks sucked by the Steelers and more time paying attention to the fucking BIGGEST GAME FO THE YEAR going on in front of them...then maybe the better team would have won.

Don't believe me? Think I'm biased?? Eh, whatever. I'm not alone on this one.
THE HAWKS GOT SCREWED.

The..."Official" Story --> if you want a total recap.
Game's third team upstaged Steelers, Hawks --> if you like Michael Smith.
Steeling One: Hawks Get Robbed --> if you want the view from a Seahawks HATER.
Audibles at the Line: Super Bowl --> if you want a TOTALLY unbiased article with both sides represented extremely well.
Refs Were Far From Super In This One --> if you want to hear from someone who picked the Steelers to win.
Vote: Did the Officials Steal the Super Bowl? --> if you want to see what the whole world thinks.

I rest my case.
We'll get them next year.

EDIT: A National Disgrace. --> The best article I've read so far. ...it quotes a lot of the articles I already have linked, but adds a bunch more I hadn't even found. It's worth the read.

.homeless.

2006-01-27T23:11:09Z

Well. I haven't been online much. I haven't written much. I haven't felt like doing anything much...except play my 360 which, in an ironic turn of events, I have no time to do. So in an effort to avoid writing about anything of consequence, I've been tagged by jadedsilk. And thus, we begin.

The player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 Weird Habits of Yours" and people who get tagged [selected] need to write an LJ entry about their 6 quirky habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

My six quirky habits:

1. I compulsively organize things. And to other people, they may not seem organized. But they are to me. When I'm at work and I have nothing to do, I alphabetize the three million PSOne games we have tossed in to a bin. I neatly straighten up our 'crap drawers.' FOR GOD'S SAKE! THEY'RE CRAP DRAWERS FOR A REASON! ...but I do it anyway. It eats at me if it's not done.
2. I crack my toes. Constantly. I do it in class with my shoes on. Right when I take my shoes off the first thing I do is crack my toes. *shrug* Oddly enough, I also hate feet. Especially the toes. With a passion. It verges on terror.
3. I chew on my lip when I draw. Or when I'm mad. If my lips start to get real bad, which they often do, I chew on my shirt.
4. I constantly correct the grammar of the people around me. I can't tolerate people saying things like, "I did good." WELL you bastard, you did WELL!
5. I hate talking on the phone. HATE IT. So I text message instead. Excessively. Last month I used upwards of 3000 texts. ...and I'm unbelievably fast at texting as well.
6. When I play first person shooters, specifically Halo...I do the same thing before I kill someone in a death match. I don't realize I do it, but if I'm sniping or have a rocket launcher, or hell even if it's just a pistol, and you hear me quietly go, "mmmhmmm" like I've just won a satisfying argument? .....your ass is dead.

I tag:

zaps00, ___paper_pistol, nicholeyam, _takeitxallaway, krishim_chan

. (: .

2005-11-29T05:11:54Z

You are ROYKITTY, they are selective and
tempermental. They are great mischief makers
and can be troublesome if not properly treated.
However, often times their idea of 'proper
treatment' involves major spoiling. Be warned
if you own a home business of do a lot of work
while at home you may have to explain to your
boss that your cat ate your homework. True as
it may be, it won't work.

Which FMA Kitty Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

.always.hardcore.

2005-11-27T07:27:37Z

Man. Things have been insane.

I don't really feel like writing, but I'm gonna make myself do it anway. I mean, what I feel like doing is plopping in front of my giant tv and playing 360 till my eyes bleed and my fingers don't work anymore...but Charlie's sleeping over again tonight so he has claim to the family room.

And thus...here I am.

So what's been going on? Let's find out.

Me and school broke up a few weeks ago. I stopped going. I'm not sure if I'm going to pass physics...and I honestly don't care. I hate everything about school, and I wish I could be done with it.

Works been crazy. Things have improved since that entry I wrote a while back from like, my second day of work. Most people are used to seeing me in Gamestop, so I don't get as many people giving me a hard time. So that's cool. I'm working at Things Remembered again for the whole Christmas thing, just because my sister needed another engraving. So at least that's more cash. It's stressful though. Oh well.

And speaking of work....I got offered my own store. Our district manager, Scott, asked me if I'd be interested in being a manager. He's getting a new store in our district and wants me to be its manager...which means I'd need to be an assistant first, but he said it wouldn't be for too long. I don't know...it's weird. I mean, I've been there for what...two months? And I'm already getting offered a management position? I don't know. But he said that everyone who works with me really likes me...and everyone at our store and the other Orland one I work at has nothing but good things to say about me. And apparently I did a really good job while I was working with him Friday...so yea. It's crazy. Something to think about for sure, but it's flattering at the very least, especially after I got treated like shit for a while there.

Moving along.

I've been uncharacteristically inspired in drawing lately. Which is good, because I have a lot of commissions due in the next week or two, but it's bad because my inspiration is totally in things that don't matter. I've been doing a lot of FMA fanart. Dorky, sure. But it takes my mind off of things. And I sure need that lately.

I don't know. I guess I'm done here. I should go lay down or something...I've worked way too much in the past two days and I have to work tomorrow too. But it's Rachel's birthday...hooray for her!

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving...time for me to peace out! (:

[x]

ps...I'm addicted to this song. Everyone go download it NOW!

.strings.

2005-11-07T07:44:01Z

Ya know what's funny?

You can't help me. And my laughter about that is almost depressing.

.godlike.

2005-10-29T21:19:50Z

Sox City...which was previously just...

(:

The MVP ::grrrrrr:: ...Jermaine Dye.

Bobby Jenks! I <3 him.

AAAAAAA Jay.

*swoon*
Crede. The REAL MVP.
I believe he's doing his best "Stop...in the name of love" pose.

It fits.

.thunderstruck.

2005-10-27T05:49:32Z

Do I even have to say it?

No...because there are no words.
....other than Crede = the REAL MVP.

.go.go.white.sox.

2005-10-24T21:06:03Z

Now that's a sight for sore eyes.

Scott Podsednik, you're my hero.

swantonbomb6 @ 2005-10-21T01:42:00

2005-10-21T06:42:47Z

Berserk = great series with the worst ending in the history of endings.

Real update.....maybe tomorrow? Who knows.
I need a new layout.

swantonbomb6 @ 2005-10-16T22:45:00

2005-10-17T03:45:26Z

SOX WIN!!!!!!!!!!

...that is all.

.get.your.head.around.it.

2005-10-07T04:38:14Z

And this is what I realized last night while I was at the Sox game.

I want to be known.

Which sounds egocentrical and all that, but I don't care. Because all my life people have had the audacity to tell me I'm something special. And really, I try to deny it, and I try to ignore it. But the more people tell me, the more I try to see it. And maybe soon I will be able to see it, and maybe then I will be.

But I sat and watched the game last night. And I've been to a ton of baseball games. But last night I watched the players. I sat and stared at Johnny Damon. Johnny fucking Damon, if you will. And there he was. Just, in center field. Doing his job. And I watched him play, really watched him. Because he was closest. [And not too shabby to look at, though he could use some tighter pants.] And would you like to know what I realized?

He's playing baseball.

That's all.

He's out there playing baseball like I've played volleyball since I was 8. He's busting his ass to win the game. And sure the money's good. And being famous has its perks. But he's playing fucking baseball for a living.

And I want that. I want to wrestle. I want to be in a band. I want to make the football team I'm trying out for. I want to draw a comic. I want to act. I want to be a voice actor. I want people to wonder what I'm really like.

I want people to know me, and look at me the way I was looking at Johnny Damon and thinking, "Jesus. He really is a real person."

That's all.

Oh yea. And the White Sox rock my fucking face off.

.cant.hold.me.back.

2005-09-24T06:43:57Z

I'd like to just vent. Just be whiny, because I totally deserve it after today.

I love my job. I work at Gamestop...I mean, it can't get much better. I'm surrounded by video games, and people buying video games, and people who love video games. I love the staff I work with, they're all tons of fun...really great people. It's not too stressful, though we're really busy most of the time, and it is in the mall so that kind of blows...but I just enjoy being there. Which is crazy...because it's work.

That said, I wanted to walk out today.

I'm the one girl on a staff of about ten. And while that's not awkward for me or any of the guys that work there, it seems to be so strange to some customers that they have to bring attention to it.

Like this old man who came in while I was talking to my manager [Joe] and interrupted our work-related conversation to say [quite rudely I might add], "I didn't think they hired girls here." And he said it in such a condecending way, but I laughed and said, "Oh only the cool ones!" or something to that effect...so the guy actually responds, "Well I'm sure if nothing else, it's good for business. I know I'll come back again."

I mean really.

But the day went along, and I was helping this other guy out with finding some DVD. So he's talking my ear off, which is normal...but he's totally hitting on me. Blatantly. Whatever...well he ends up asking for my age, I tell him 20. He's shocked, and says I look like, 17. He asks me to guess his age, tells me he's 27. Anyone else find it disturbing that he was hitting on a girl he thought was 17??

Moving along.

These three guys come in. They look to be about 17 or 18, had to still be in high school though. And they're giving me a hard time from the moment they come in...comments included the following:

Guy 3: "Why the hell does she have a Madden name tag?"

Guy 1: "So is Ultimate Spiderman worth buying?"
Me: "I haven't played it yet, but it's supposed to be amazing...I'm gonna try it out this wee-"
Guy 2: "Man don't listen to her, she's a girl."

Guy 1 returns a display box to me, I turn to put it back.
Guy 2 (whispering): "Dude, you were supposed to drop it!"
Guy 1: "Oh shit, yea I forgot.."

Guy 2 at the register [after Guy 1 ends up buying Ultimate Spiderman] to Joe: "Dude, how'd you get her to work here?"
Joe: "Excuse me??"
Guy 2: "nothing..."

I glared at him. For a long time as he walked out the door.

After we closed the gates and I started straightening shelves, Joe sighed loudly at the register. I asked him what was wrong and he flatly said, "I just don't think I can work with you anymore." And I'm not gonna lie, I got really scared because I thought I'd done something wrong. But he said it was because he couldn't stand the way guys were treating me. I laughed and told him it wasn't a big deal.

I mean seriously? I've never been as insulted as I was today with those three incidents. And I'm happy I didn't catch all of the apparent other stuff that Joe did catch. It's just really...disheartening. I really like my job and this is just killing it for me. And what's worse is I have never been one to find myself good looking in any way. Matter of fact I think I'm extremely unattractive and don't see what any guy has ever seen in me, and that's the honest truth. So I don't really know if they're just being dicks and making fun of me or what...it's just really upsetting.

I think that'll do for my whining of the night. I might go try and draw, get some frustration out. Or maybe I'll just watch some more Fullmetal....because it makes me happy.

...and I'll definitely be picturing Mark in a suit of Armor the WHOLE time. (:
Oh and Ryan? I love you. In the butt sex kind of way.